Happy Birthday, Me.

24 Sep

!.! I’m 27 years old .!.  And feeling all the usual birthday emotions (at least the ones I’ve been experiencing in my twenties)… you know, when you feel everything and nothing, all in the same moment.

Me exactly one year ago.

Me now. Where is my life going.?.

I’m halfway around the world in a very strange place.  Not a soul here knows it’s my birthday.  I’m getting old(er).  I have no plans.  I don’t really know what I’m doing here.  And for that matter, I don’t know what I’m doing for the next hour, day, week, month, year, or decade of my life.  I feel everything, and I feel nothing.  But more the nothing part.

I suppose it’s all normal.  I guess if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 27 years is that we’re all bozos on the bus of the life.  We don’t have it all figured out; we aren’t as perfect as we wish others to perceive us.  We’re all bozos sitting on a bus together pretending not to be bozos.  And thinking there’s something wrong with us because we’re seemingly the only bozo.  The truth is, we all:

  • have bumbling, bad-tempered shadow selves.
  • can be jerks.
  • do unkind things, harbor unmerciful thoughts, and mope around when we shouldn’t.
  • wish we could change things about ourselves.
  • wonder if life has meaning, fret over things we can’t control, and sometimes long for that which we can’t name.

So let’s just peel off the layers, and parade around in our undies.  I’m starting with this blog — where I hope to share the simple dignity of myself as I stumble through this adventure — my triumphs and my failures, my satisfaction and my sorrow.  The home runs I hit, and the times I strike out (looking).  Life is freaking complicated.  Right now it’s all just a giant whirl, and I can’t make heads or tails of it.  I want to laugh, and I want to scream.  But my eyes just well with tears.

I’m just another bozo on the bus :-).

I guess, if you want, feel free to put down your burdens of hiding too, plop on your clown hat, and let’s ride this dang bus together.  In the words of some dude named Wavy Gravy, whose quote inspired this post: “We’re all bozos on the bus, so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.”  And hopefully we won’t topple off a cliff.

Coda: I’ll find my wings soon!  In the meantime, my birthday wish for myself: may the coming year bring sweet surprises, and may I be blessed with luck, love, and a whole lot of joy.

9 Responses to “Happy Birthday, Me.”

  1. Anonymous September 24, 2012 at 2:05 am #

    You are a daring adventuress. You’ve showed remarkable courage and fortitude, and you are ahead of your peers in the ways that matter. Chin up, the future will work itself out.

  2. Keller Beller September 24, 2012 at 7:53 am #

    If you are a bozo, then I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT to jump on the bus and be a bozo with you! You are an inspiration Lucie and we all love you very much. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

  3. lawschoolroomie September 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Lucie! I spent my 28th birthday last week flying to Costa Rica by myself. I am most definitely a bozo on the bus with you! 🙂

  4. Jim September 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Young Lady! You doing exactly what you should be doing…or you wouldn’t be there. Ardis and I hope you enjoy and learn as much as is humanly possible. We love your posts!

  5. FriendOn4 September 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    Wanted to add my wishes for a Happy Birthday, Libbie–it is surely a memorable one! Oh, and LivingSocial apparently thinks I should come visit you.
    Wishing you all the best as your journey continues!

  6. Karen September 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    Happy Birthday to you. As you can see, you are definitely not the only bozo on the bus. And that helps, a lot. I echo your birthday wish for yourself and wish the same for us all.

  7. rogerhwerner October 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm #

    Happy Birthday Lucie! You’re way ahead of the game of life. I was 26 before I figured out where to take my undergrad degrees. Seven years later I got my grad degrees. You’re 27 with your basic education and grad degree out of the way. The issues for are rather simple: Do you intend to use your Harvard education to further the aims of a corporatist world by helping them commodify everything? If not, what can you do with your law degree that might actually be useful to individuals and to humanity as a whole? Go back and take a look at Mount Everest During climbing season. Do you think the Golden Arches could add anything useful to the scene? Of do you believe the situation is already totally out of control? How a person views this question could lay the ground work for how an individual with a Harvard law degree employs that degree in their future professional life. No matter what choice you make it never hurts to remember that “We’re All Bozos on this Bus.”

  8. rogerhwerner October 21, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    P.S Lucie…No one has said it so I will. Looking at your pictures, today and one year ago: Damn you’re beautiful. The more de-shelved shell shock look of today creates a vulnerability in you that is appealing but then you were appealing fresh out of law school. I’ve traveled some, always alone, always for career. I don’t think I ever sat down without a feeling of extreme disassociation. I was an American working in Eastern Europe or Asia. Why is it that I felt more at home and at peace in strange, alien environments than in my own? I’ve never answered that question but I know it’s as relevant today as it was 15 years ago and so I shall continue to search. Show me a completely contended person and I’ll show you a person with a lobotomy. I love what I do and I wouldn’t change much about my life. Yet, if I went on another of my extended trips to parts unknown, two months into it I’m sure I’d like just like you do now (a deer caught in the headlights look, an “Oh fuck, what now genius” look). I’d feel that way Lucie with the benefit of many years more of life experience. But the hell the way you feel right at this moment. Keep going because one never knows how it will end. We can be certain about one thing in life: That it will change. Fortune favors the bold so don’t get too weak-need!! Thnink positively and keep on going!

    • Lucie October 22, 2012 at 11:32 pm #

      Thanks for the encouragement, Roger! You are a man of wise words. For now, I’m keeping on going — sprinting when the going’s good and just putting one foot in front of the other when the going’s tough. Next stop: China, yikes!

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