Unfiltered Thoughts from a Chinese Hostel Room

22 Nov

Awesome Things About China:

  1. You can wear anything you want.  It’s not fashion-forward; it’s fashion-upside-down.  [Sad note: the pictures below do not do my point justice.  I’ll have a word with my photographer.]  I myself have gotten into the Chinese spirit by wearing my beach cover-up over jeans and hiking boots.  I’ve also sported shorts and ski socks.  

  2. There are no kids around.  To scream, yell, throw tantrums in the grocery aisle.  Woohoo, One Child Policy!
  3. Employees are motivated!  For instance, every morning at 10:30 a.m., before they start work, employees at this hair salon must go out on the street and do a dance to get them ready for the day.
  4. You can hock loogies anywhere.  The louder, the better.  It is ridiculous.  When you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Questionable Things About China:

  1. People are constantly hocking loogies everywhere.  Seriously, is that necessary?  I max out at one a day.
  2. Mandarin is a freaking redonkulous language.  Upon learning that no one here speaks English, I made a solid five-minute effort to learn basic Chinese until tour guide Bruce informed me that not a single one of the 1.4 billion people in China would understand my pronunciation of any Chinese word.

    The street my hostel was on.  My pronunciation: “Dogshit Alley.”  Bruce was not impressed.

  3. You can’t smoke on the bed.  Real bummer.  I swear: you can smoke, spit, and urinate anywhere — except on the bed, apparently.

  4. Bookstore selection is extremely limited.  This giant bookstore had 5,000 copies of every classic ever – Austen, the Brontes, Dickinson, Shakespeare, the whole lot.  Finding many of their characters to be rather insufferable, I searched out the “History/Political Science” section.  And I found approximately three books, including — drum roll please — “American History” by Dengchongzhangliu (some Chinese guy, you get the picture).

    Proof that size isn’t everything.

    There is, however, a good selection of Oreos.

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