Grumpy McGee

2 Jan

I’m back home in the Washington, DC area.  I went to the Kennedy Center to see White Christmas with my Dad.  I was the youngest person there by 30 years.  Some lady in the elevator thought I was my Dad’s wife.  WTF.  Thankfully she looked really senile and hopefully was blind.

Obviously an old person took this photo, too... :-)

At the Kennedy Center.  Obviously an old person took this photo, too… 🙂

I came home to Washington, DC to get treatment for my ankle.  I’ve been back for a week.  And now it’s 11:15 a.m., and I’m sitting on the couch drinking wine.

At first, it was magical.  I took a hot shower and stayed in until I was wrinkly.  I hugged family and friends.  I laid on the couch and flipped through trashy reality television.  I ate Aunt Leslie’s amazing Christmas dinner filet.  I wore my favorite sweater.

And then, yesterday, I sunk, like a 10100 lb bag of potatoes, into a milddeep depression.

I feel more out of place, more unmoored, more insecure, more confused here, amongst all the trappings of home, than I did alone, halfway around the world.

Out there I was a backpacker.  My life weighed 44 pounds.  Here, what am I?  I have no job, no apartment, no car, no friends, no life.  No one understands me.  I feel fragile.  And more than a prickle of emotional insecurity.  Do you know what’s more disconcerting than being a stranger in a strange place?  Being a stranger in a familiar place.

In the past, I would have pushed onwards, distracted myself, found some new obsession.  But this time, I’m just riding it out.  It’s okay to cry, to be lonely, to be vulnerable, to feel rejected.  It kinda hurts.  But not as badly as I expected.  I think the wine is helping.

Crap, but I have to go to physical therapy in an hour and attempt to stand on one bad ankle.  This should be interesting…  It’s good to leave some room for improvement, no?!

4 Responses to “Grumpy McGee”

  1. Truth&Justice January 2, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    Choose to feel a different way! You are bright, articulate, beautiful (even if lame for the moment), funny, and so blessed with a supportive family and lots of fun friends. Be Happy and Relax–many of us are living vicariously through you so make it good! 🙂

  2. Anonymous January 2, 2013 at 1:57 pm #

    What Truth and Justice said!!!

  3. Jimmy January 5, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

    Sounds like you stopped living the dream for a moment. Dont be disheartened, you’ve got a great blog and people enjoy reading about your life. You’ve got to find your love for life again, pick yourself up and keep going.

    Sometimes I feel life is overwhelming and stressful, but we sometimes need to take time out and remember who we are, and that we all have something to offer. Sometimes simply reading a book or listening to music can reignite your spark.

    Find your ‘thing’ that you do that makes you feel good about yourself and makes everything seem alright again, don’t stop doing it for anyone or anything. I dont mean go out and drink till you’re unconscious as that doesnt solve problems. When you find your love of life, your problems will solve themselves.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tuesdays with Vernon « Lucie on the Lam - January 22, 2013

    […] My depression was short-lived.  (And alcohol consumption was minimal; thanks for the concern, Jimmy .)  And it’s thanks to a few Tuesdays with Vernon in Perth, Australia. […]

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