Tag Archives: Welcome to the real world

The Real World: Keeping It Crazy

1 Dec
You may recognize Mohammad.

You may recognize Mohammad on this year’s Christmas card.

In the words of John Mayer…

Welcome to the real world,” they said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
 

I now live in an apartment.  I drive a car.  I don’t carry toilet paper in my pocket.  I drink “chocolate glazed donut” flavored coffee.  No, I haven’t been on any jungle walks lately.

Yes, crazy stuff still happens to me.

It is now called my job.

ATF

I am a good shot. At the three foot range.

For instance, [above] was my first day at work.  As you may recall, I left the Appalachian Trail because my dream job landed in my lap.  I’ve been at work for several months now and… I love it.  I literally wake up stoked to go to work.

I’m a prosecutor in a very dangerous city on the east coast (that has recently been likened to a “war zone” by the local paper, readers of which are counting down the “shooting days” left in the year).  

I prosecute violent crime… i.e., guns, drugs, etc. and also an individual who inspired last month’s Halloween costume:

Yes, that individual is a bank robber.

Yes, that individual is a bank robber.

I haven’t been blogging lately, in part because I’ve been trying to figure out (1) how to prosecute violent criminals and (2) how not to get shot in the process.

But also because I’ve been lazy and because I feel weird writing about my real life… i.e., the lady at Trader Joe’s who told me to “rot in hell” (because of my bad parking job… yes, it was pretty bad) and the night I ended up at the cigar lounge smoking my first, second, and third cigars ever (which I later learned were called “Acid Blondies”… yes, when I went to order one, I was confused and asked for a “blondie on acid”).

I will try to do better, folks.  In life and in more regularly posting to this blog.

As for Bojangles, he is at home and looking for a full-time job, though in the interim he’s had the opportunity to return to his first love: cutting down trees.

Bojangles 1

Yes, cutting down trees is as dangerous as it appears in this picture.

Yes, I was there and cutting down trees is as dangerous as it appears in this picture.